Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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