Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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