Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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