dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
