Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
