It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
