Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
