you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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