Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
