He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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