YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
