dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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