Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Michael Bay diarrhea
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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