I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
