Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
