yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
