Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
