I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
