ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
