dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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