Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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