Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
