She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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