Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
