evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
