What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
