You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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