at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
