I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
