I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
