Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
