I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
