I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
