While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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