I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
