so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.