You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
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I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
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I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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