Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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