He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
