Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
