how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
