that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
