Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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