There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
