i permit you to call me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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