They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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