i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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