I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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