So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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