Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
worst night to have a conscience
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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