How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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