get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
