Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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