i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
