she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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