i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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