I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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