I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
