What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
