The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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