Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
