I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
