that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize