What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
