we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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