Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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