This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
