he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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