He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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