I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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