I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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