I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
