I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
