he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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